


Let me hear you say

by starryhoch (slytherminie)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Domestic Fluff, Feelings, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Jeonghan whines a lot, Joshua is the voice of reason, Love Confessions, M/M, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, just jihan being soft boys to heal my and your souls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherminie/pseuds/starryhoch
Summary: “I can’t do that,” Joshua says after a while, still clutching onto Jeonghan’s body like a lifeline, their legs tangled together, their breaths mingling. Jeonghan fights the lump in his throat like he has been doing all day, buries his face deeper in the space between Joshua’s neck and shoulder, presses his lips against his skin in a barely-there kiss.“I can’t tell you not to go, because that would be too selfish of me.”
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 67





	Let me hear you say

**Author's Note:**

> I have a hundred wips but my mind kept screaming at me to write this so hear it is! Whatever this is, I hope you enjoy reading it.

“Tell me not to go.”

It’s a whisper, words said in the darkness against soft skin. Jeonghan’s face is hidden in the crook of Joshua’s neck, his lips close to his pulse point. He can feel Joshua’s heartbeat on the tip of his tongue, if he wants to. If he opens his mouth just enough, if he allows himself to take it in. The long fingers that are combing through his hair stop briefly, their caress faltering when Joshua registers what Jeonghan just said. 

When he resumes his movements it's with a long sigh, the arm around Jeonghan’s shoulders tightening, bringing their bodies closer together. Resting his cheek on top of Jeonghan’s head, he keeps silent for a while. If he didn’t know any better, Jeonghan would think that he decided to ignore him. Fortunately, Jeonghan does know better, knows Joshua is just trying to string his thoughts together to make it easier for him to say them out loud. Silence stretches between them, insinuating in the few empty spaces between their bodies, cold and unsettling. The beating of Jeonghan’s heart is loud, slightly too fast. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, doesn’t know what would hurt less. 

“I can’t do that,” Joshua says after a while, still clutching onto Jeonghan’s body like a lifeline, their legs tangled together, their breaths mingling. Jeonghan fights the lump in his throat like he has been doing all day, buries his face deeper in the space between Joshua’s neck and shoulder, presses his lips against his skin in a barely-there kiss. 

“I can’t tell you not to go, because that would be too selfish of me.” It feels like a conversation they had several times already, words they’ve rehearsed over and over again, following a script. Jeonghan knows what Joshua is about to say next, feels it ripping at the seams of his being. It’s maddening, how well they know each other, how they’re so attuned to one another that they always know what the other is about to say. 

Jeonghan doesn’t let him say anything else, another low murmur coming out of his mouth, getting lost between the sheets pooling around their waists. “Can’t you be selfish, for once?”

“You know I would be, if I thought it would be the right thing to do.”

“You and your stupid moral compass,” Jeonghan whines, finally re-emerging from his hiding spot, tilting his face up to catch Joshua’s eyes. What he sees in there is a feeling that he’s not ready to put a name to, but he knows it’s been there for a while now. That same feeling has been in Joshua’s gaze for months, maybe years. It’s grown, and grown, and grown, and now it’s making Jeonghan want to bolt and stay put at the same time, pinned in his place by the intensity of it. Sometimes he wonders if the same feeling is reflected back at Joshua when their eyes meet. The answer is an easy one, but it’s one that Jeonghan is still avoiding. 

“It’s not about my _stupid moral compass_ ,” Joshua’s chuckle is low, the hand that was between Jeonghan’s hair moves to the side of his face, cupping his cheek in its palm. Jeonghan feels like his nerves have been set on fire, the _feeling_ inside of him bubbling up through his throat, making it hard to breathe. “It’s about what _you_ want.”

“I want you to tell me not to go,” Jeonghan petutanly says, feeling like a kid who’s stomping his feet and making a scene in the middle of a crowded restaurant. A pout curls his lips, his eyes narrowed at Joshua, who is smiling at him while brushing his thumb over Jeonghan’s cheekbone.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Joshua tells him, always the voice of reason, always level-headed. “You can’t ask me to make this decision for you. That is even more selfish.” 

“I hate when you’re being so rational, it makes me irrationally angry.” Jeonghan’s face disappears again into his favourite place, whining against Joshua’s neck. Joshua hugs him closer, tighter, reaches for one of his hands to tangle their fingers together before leaving a peck at the top of Jeonghan’s head. “You don’t need any encouragement to be irrationally angry, you do that on your own all the time anyway.” 

Jeonghan bites Joshua’s shoulder in retaliation, hard, making him yelp in pain. Joshua tugs at his hair to detach him, and soon enough they’re wrestling between the sheets of Joshua’s bed, limbs flailing, hands pushing. By the time Joshua has Jeonghan pinned against the mattress, they’re both out of breath. 

“You’re surprisingly strong for someone who has noodle arms,” Joshua says between pants, his hands pinning Jeonghan’s wrists at his sides while he sits on top of his stomach. There’s not much Jeonghan can do aside from growling and wiggling in his hold, trying and failing to get free. He gives up soon enough, spent, and ends up glaring at Joshua with all his might. “You’re surprisingly cocky for someone who used to be as noodly as I am,” Jeonghan replies, scrunching up his nose, “Just because you’re a gym rat now, you don’t get to make fun of my noodle limbs.”

“I like your noodle limbs.” 

Silence envelops them then, the earnest emotions on Joshua’s face when their eyes meet making Jeonghan’s heart hammer against his ribcage in a dull thud-thud that rattles his bones. It’s exhausting, having to swallow down butterflies every single time Joshua looks at him. It’s exhausting, and it’s not fair. 

“Ask these noodle limbs to stay here, with you,” Jeonghan repeats his plea, wondering if his own face shows a reflection of Joshua’s feelings, if it’s as easy for Joshua to read him as it is for him. “I can’t do that,” Joshua reteraites, lets his head drop closer to Jeonghan’s face, their gazes locked when he talks again: “It’s not my decision to make.”

“If you love them let them go?” Jeonghan says, regretting it as soon as the words come out of his mouth. There’s a sharp inhale from Joshua, and Jeonghan wishes the ground would open up and swallow him. He’s not ready to let it go, but he’s not sure he's ready to have this conversation either.

“It’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it? Isn’t this the perfect time to bring this up?”

“It’s the worst time you could ever choose, Hanie.” 

There’s no denying it, Jeonghan knows it’s true. He’s leaving tomorrow. It’s not the right time. The right time would have been a month ago, when Joshua made coffee for him after he pulled an all nighter and Jeonghan almost let those three little words slip out of his mouth. The right time would have been on Christmas, when Joshua video-called him from Los Angeles and the sight of his sleepy face, the soft murmur of his voice laced with tiredness made the chasm inside Jeonghan’s chest grew bigger, feeling the pull all the way through the Pacific Ocean. The right time would have been when they were twelve, and Jeonghan wanted nothing more but to kiss his best friend on the cheek and hold his hand forever. 

“Is it?” Jeonghan asks, because despite himself he can’t help but hope that the feelings inside him are the same he’s seeing on Joshua’s face, and that Joshua would say those three little words back. “Can’t you just ask me to stay?”

“I won’t.”

It sounds final, and it rips a wound in the middle of Jeonghan’s chest, his throat tight. He turns his head to the side, trying to hide the disappointment bleeding out of him. That’s not what he was expecting. 

“I won’t ask you to stay, because I want you to stay only if you want to. And because I want to be the reason for you to stay, or for you to come back, but I’m not going to force your hand. It has to be your choice.”

Suddenly, he’s breathing again. The fireworks hammering inside his ribcage erupt, his veins buzzing with the force of them. When he looks up, Joshua has a smile on his face, a familiar smile that makes Jeonghan long to stay and long to come back soon. 

“I will go, and I will come back, and then it will be the right time,” he says, and it sounds final. It sounds like a truth that is meant to be, like the final piece has found its slot, edges finding the right spots where to get stuck. Joshua lets go of his hands, and Jeonghan flips them over, puts his knees on either side of Joshua’s stomach. He looks down, and joy pours out of him when he bends down to press a kiss against Joshua’s lips. 

“Tell me you want me to come back,” he whispers against Joshua’s soft skin, mouth against mouth. There are long fingers on his hips, and Joshua’s eyes sparkle with happiness when he looks up at him. 

“Come back to me,” he indulges, arches his neck to kiss Jeonghan better, three little words he’s not going to say getting sucked out of him by Jeonghan’s eager lips. It feels like a goodbye, but there’s no sadness to it. It feels like a goodbye, and it feels like a new beginning.

“Come back to me, and let me hear you say those words at the right time.” 

It feels like an I love you. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/starryhoch) or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/slytherminie) :)


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